August 1, 2024
Hello and welcome to The Society Newsletter!
Every week we're publishing this newsletter exclusively for you all at The Society Premium level where Chelsea shares her personal thoughts on a different topic, as well as her latest Flea Market Finds.
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❤️ TFD
Tradwives have been inescapable in the cultural conversation lately. So much so, in fact, that we had entirely filmed our August video essay and were in the interview/editing stage, and we have set it aside to publish later this year, in favor of doing a video about Tradwives. It's not just a compelling and on-trend subject, it's a pretty effective shorthand for a lot of macro social phenomena that we tend to explore as separate conversations, but which are really just parts of a greater trend. We can't talk about Tradwives, for example, without talking about the Republican party's relentless (and somewhat baffling) assault on childless women. We can't talk about the increasing pressure on women to be both full-time employees and full-time mothers -- or the fact that wealthy and powerful men increasingly want a woman who is equally accomplished -- without talking about Tradwives.
And as if it were a gift sent from the Content Gods themselves, we had the viral Ballerina Farms profile drop last week, perfectly encompassing everything that's wrong with our current hetero marriage setup. Essentially, for those who aren't familiar, Ballerina Farms is the online brand of Hannah Neeleman, the ludicrously popular lifestyle creator whose life on a Utah ranch with her husband and eight children provides the backdrop for her content, usually centering on food, farm life, and just being very aesthetically pleasing. The profile of her centers on her marriage to her husband -- himself the son of JetBlue founder David Neeleman -- and the role he plays in her transition from Julliard-trained ballerina to (digital) domestic goddess.
In short, the idea is that he intentionally sought out a beautiful, accomplished woman and made her his personal annexation, pivoting her to a world of babies and mother-centric beauty pageants and endless labor (as he doesn't want to hire any domestic workers, although he could handily pay for them). One doesn't have to look very far on TikTok now to find montages of her set to a sad cover of "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," specifically the lyrics "some boys take a beautiful girl / and hide her away from the rest of the world." In the ample conversation this profile sparked, there has been a powerful undercurrent of sympathy for this woman, and many commenters have pointed to the couple's ties to the Mormon church as evidence that she is just another in a long line of women sacrificed to the churning machine of religious patriarchy.
What is largely lost in this take -- at least, to me -- is the extent to which Hannah herself is the biggest beneficiary of her very specific lifestyle choices and presentation. Ballerina Farm is a hugely successful and diversified brand, and her positioning as a Tradwife is crucial to its success. We can be as naive as we want about it, but representing ourselves as obedient and beautiful wives who only exist to serve our families (and, often, our God) is incredibly good business. From the very inception of mom blogging, some of the biggest names have historically been heavily tied to various Christian denominations, and the playacting of patriarchy has always been a key component of their success. And today, we can look just down the TikTok road to another one of its most popular creators, whose personal brand is heavily tied to the performance of being a perfect wife and mother.
Nara Smith has always been sort of an odd poster girl for the Tradwife movement, for as she is often described that way. First of all, she very clearly has a full-time job as a food content creator and model, and her videos could increasingly be categorized more as rage or engagement bait than a straightforward portrayal of domesticity. If anything links her to the category, it's her occasional product placement for the Book of Mormon throughout her videos, something that has long been a hallmark of the genre. But if the conversation around Ballerina Farm has overtones of grooming or coercion -- something I find a bit ridiculous given the respective ages of the participants -- I find the idea much more compelling when applied to Ms. Smith. She met her practicing Mormon husband when she was just 17, when he was several years older and already had a toddler child himself. She swiftly moved across the world with him and was married and pregnant within the year, and now has three additional children of her own by the age of 22. I hope, for her sake, that it all works out for her -- but statistically speaking, the odds are not in her favor.
Either way, though, not to be too this meme as it pertains to the women who leverage a very specific representation of feminine submission to great success, but I sort of am. Maybe initially this woman was unfairly stolen from her ballet program by a millionaire scion and forced into a life of extremely comfortable domesticity, but no one forced her to monetize it! No one forced her to make it into an incredibly influential and professionally demanding brand! (Also, not to split hairs here, but if we want to talk about cultures that create incredibly oppressive environments for women, put enormous pressure on their bodies and physical performance, and frequently force them to restrict and submit themselves for outward beauty and approval? I suggest reading a little bit about the world of high-level ballet.) Anyway, point being, I'm much less interested in how sad one extremely wealthy woman in Utah is, and much more interested in what women like her are communicating to the world with their enormous platforms.
For this video essay, I'm more interested in exploring how these brands reinforce the increasing gender imbalance in domestic labor. I'm interested in how they misrepresent the very lifestyles they're meant to typify. (I rarely talk about my family because I respect their privacy, but my sister is an actual homesteading young mother of three and let me tell you, if your husband doesn't happen to be the heir to the JetBlue fortune, it looks nothing like what this woman is putting out in the world.) I'm interested in why we extend so much sympathy to the most privileged possible women, who are themselves profiting enormously from the same dynamics that oppress them. I'm interested in our love-hate relationship with these creators, and our relentless fascination with the LDS church in particular (and I write this as a fan of the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City). Whatever happens, Hannah Neeleman will be just fine. The millions of impressionable young girls watching and learning from her and women like her, though? Them, I'm not so sure about.
— C
As someone who lives to browse flea markets and estate sales, but can only purchase so many things for her own home, I'm going to be rounding up some of my favorite picks each week. Some will be local to NYC, some will be available nationwide, and they will span a variety of price points. Secondhand shopping can be intimidating at first, but it's — in my humble opinion — the only way to shop for home goods! Join me every week for my journey through the world of vintage home shopping.
1) Two Yellow Lamps, $40
A great, retro-but-not-too-funky pair of table lamps for nightstands or living rooms (or wherever else!) at a great price.
2) Abstract Impasto Floral Still Life Oil Painting, 21st Century, $85 [LIVE BIDDING]
I love the colors and lines in this painting, especially if you live in a warmer climate or want to go for that more summery look. It would be beautiful in a guest room or powder room, or even in a bright kitchen!
3) Silver Candleholders Denmark Vintage, $45
These are simple, beautiful, and vintage while still blending seamlessly into many different decor styles.